BML #7: The "Jellyfish" Story

This incident occurred when I was roughly 7 years old (I had to ask my Dad). I learned how to swim very early on in my life when I was 2 years old. My dog Buddy (golden Labrador) had mindlessly shoved me into the pool when I was obviously not prepared for it. But natural instincts took over and my chubby arms flapped in the water and innately learned how to swim. Anti-BML for the moment, saving my parents money on swimming lesson which I did not need to partake.

Fast forward 4 years later in the summer of 1994. Tropical storm Gordon had made its erratic path throughout the Antilles and through the coast of Florida, bringing an abnormal influx of aquatic wildlife to the beaches.

After the Gordon made a name for itself in Florida, my family decided it would be recreationally healthy to take a trip to the beach (which wasn't that big of a deal, we lived 5 minutes from the shore). An alarming amount of people were there that day, all wallowing in the salty water. Being the adorable child I was (and still am), I joined the people in the ocean in jubilation.

Unbeknownst to me, people weren't the only beings at the beach that day. Sinister jellyfish and other sea creatures were present in the water. I play in the water effusively until I felt a fierce pain on my right leg. A twinge that can only be described as being molested by collective of white-hot razor blades (do not ask me how I know how the latter feels because I don't know but let the hyperbole do its job people).

I turn in horrible agony and discover a jellyfish the size of Jansport backpack. Desperately in need of escape, I run back to shore. Not swim, but fucking RUN in the water to almost no avail. The ocean water mixing with my tears, I swim frantically back to land. I finally crawl back on the sand, yelling for my parents. My mom and dad rush to me and find that I have a 2 foot long singe on my leg in the shape of a hook.

My dad flagged down a lifeguard and he conveniently had a bottle of vinegar at hand already. It turns out that several people were being raped by jellyfish (not the anime mind you) and he had been treating stings all morning.

I will tell you, pants have never been more difficult to wear in my entire life.