BML #8: The "Road Rash" Story

In the year of 2004, there spawned a lazy hurricane name Francis. This hurricane in particular travelled at literally walking speed. Bastard took 5 days to for this hurricane to stroll through the caribbean and make landfall. This lethargic quality will be significant soon in the story.

For those not familiar with hurricanes, if inflicted with a direct hit from a hurricane, there are 3 stages. 1) The front end. 2) The eye in the center. 3) The back end. After the first stage made its damage, the eerily calm eye becomes present. Since this hurricane in question takes literally a whole day or two for the eye to pass over, we were able to play outside for a bit. There's no weather conditions; cloudless, no rain, barely any wind, and no flying tree branches and plywood. There's no power in our houses due to the first stage being a dick, so we get bored.

I spent the day outside skateboarding wherever there was no debris and puddles/road lakes. There was surprisingly not much rain the first stage so the roads were still wet but not entirely flooded. My friend Adam was patrolling around on his gay little moped in the community streets. He was a fellow skateboarder and wanted to join the fun. His skateboard was snapped in half so he didn't participate by skating with me. He suggested that I should "skitch" his moped, which is to hold onto the back of the scooter while I'm the skateboard and he speeds up.

Of course, unknowing of my own horseshit karma system, I agreed to do so. I step on my skateboard and grab onto the back of his moped and he starts gaining speed. We get up to literally 45 miles an hour and then I start getting speed wobbles. I end up bailing on my skateboard while traveling 45 - 50 m.p.h. It's like jumping out of the car while on a main road. I don't roll a million times with my arms flailing like a rag doll, thank goodness. I merely slide on my back and ass along the pavement.

I get up and dust my shit off and to my surprise, no broken bones or canyon-esque lacerations. But I do have all over my back, ass, legs, and ankles what resembles beef jerky. I'd say 20% of my body is covered with road rash and it does NOT feel enticing. To be honest, it probably felt like burning leprosy off with a blowtorch all over the affected areas, but that's probably exaggerating. IT HURTS.

My pants have holes in them especially around the back pockets. It looks like I farted an atom bomb and blew my seat wide open. The belt loops on the back of my pants are worn down to nothing, same with my belt. I had to wear gauze pads with dressings on them for like 3 weeks before I could wear clothes over the rashes.