BML #6: The "Nacho Chip" Story

This particular story happened not too long ago. I would think maybe 4 days ago before this post. I almost was not going to post this particular story since it happens quite often to some people and I figured wouldn't be a good addition to the Beav My Life legacy. But today I recited this incident to my friend Teresa on the way to school and I found a humorous style of this story. So I decided to write this article now.

As I do almost every single night of my lonely life, I sit on my bed watching Adult Swim or HBO eating whatever is easy to make in my fridge. There's this simple snack I've enjoyed since I was little is a plate full of nachos with melted cheddar cheese, jalapenos and herbs on top. Nutritious? No. Delicious? Definitely.

In the middle of my cheesy meal, I get a sharp tinge in the front of my throat. Like behind my adam's apple. Logically, I assumed I had a shard of nacho lodged in my throat because apparently I barely chew my shit before I swallow. *rolls eyes*

I finished my nacho's in hope of dislodging my stubborn piece of corn chip. Also, drinking literally a gallon of water trying to soften the splinter of nacho. Audibly hacking phlegm, trying to move the fucker out of my epiglottis. I wish I could show you the sounds I was making as I was performing my oral cleansing as they were quite hilarious themselves.

I threw away my plate and walked back to the sink where I resumed my coughing and hawking my throat out. The irritation caused by this bastard was immense. I eventually started choking so hard that I inevitably vomited into the sink. The contents of my stomach blasted out of my mouth and nose. Corn bits, cheese paste, diced jalapenos, and oregano peppered about. As you can imagine (probably not), the feeling of jalapenos going through your nasal cavity is about the same experience as snorting hot sauce for your drunk friends entertainment. As aching tears flowed from my eyes from the burning sensation the jalapenos granted me, the fucking pain remained in my throat.

In due course, I said, "Fuck it!" and continued to bed.

Waking up the next morning (well, who am I kidding? Next afternoon), I noticed the same feeling in my throat only this time it wasn't as irritating and painful. Confused, I drank some water and thought about what else that feeling could be. I concluded that it couldn't be an embedded fragment of corn chip since after all I drank and ate in duration of the ordeal should have displaced the piece of nacho out of my throat. The only other possibility was that the broken chip might have subtly lacerated my throat while eating shards of corn chip. Like that was any fucking better...